How to Get Less of What You Don’t Want in 2026

 

A Familiar Season of Fresh Starts

It’s that time of year again when social media fills up with posts about goals, intentions, fresh starts and how this year will be different.

And maybe it will be but most of us step into a new year with lives that are far messier and much richer than a simple or neat set of goals can reflect.

The last few years have changed how we look at work, relationships, energy and what actually matters.

Expectations feel different now, maybe quieter, more realistic and sometimes more cautious.

 

Before You Move Forward, Pause

So before rushing forward, it’s worth pausing.

Looking back isn’t about beating yourself up or replaying what went wrong. It’s about noticing, with honesty and kindness, what you did and didn’t have influence over and what you learned along the way.

And just as importantly, it’s about letting go.

Not forgetting what happened but loosening the emotional grip of the resentments, frustrations and self-criticisms we’ve felt because if we don’t then they inevitably affect our wellbeing and shape our choices, long after the events that caused them have passed.

 

What You Focus On Shapes What You Experience

Every experience, however uncomfortable, is an opportunity to learn – about ourselves, about others and about how we respond when things don’t go to plan.

What we choose to focus on really matters because focus shapes experience.

I see this happening all the time with my clients. When they shift their focus priorities change, resilience increases and they gain far greater clarity, often in ways they didn’t expect.

 

The Subtle Power of How You Phrase Things

Do you describe what you’re moving towards or what you’re trying to avoid?

Do you describe what you want or do you describe what you don’t want?

because how you phrase what you want has a subtle and very powerful effect on what actually happens.

You may have heard this, or a version of this,  before…..

“Don’t think of a blue hippopotamus in a pink tutu”

Of course you did.

Now some people will say, “no I didn’t” but the thing is, at best it is a two part process.

Your unconscious brain cannot process negatives directly.

To “not think” about something, your mind has to conjure it up first, which means that when we focus on what we don’t want, we often end up reinforcing it.

Why We Get What We Expect (Not What We Want)

So what?

If you are thinking about not getting annoyed with someone what are you actually focussing on?

That’s right, getting annoyed! And that’s exactly what happens.

When you are saying to yourself  “I hope I don’t get angry”, your unconscious is focusing on getting angry and that’s what you will do! Your attention is already locked onto the very thing you’re trying to avoid.

Because we don’t get what we want- we get what we erxpect.

So if you expect to have an argument with a colleague or family member that’s what you will get. If you expect tension you unconsciously transmit it.

Consciously you might want something different but our expectations leak out in subtle ways: tone of voice, body language, the energy we bring into a situation so that long before we say anything, we’re already communicating.

The Key to Getting Less of What You Don’t Want

The key to getting less of what you don’t want is to change the way you think.

Here is a short exercise that will show you how it works ….

A Simple Reflection Exercise

A) Think of a recent situation that didn’t go the way you wanted and you got what you didn’t want.

• What were you expecting, really?
• What were you saying to yourself beforehand?
• What did you feel in your body?

 

B) Consider the same recent situation again.

• What positive learning can you take from it?
• How can you use this learning in the future?

 

C) Imagine a similar situation that may arise in the future.

This time, focus clearly on what you do want to happen. Be specific and make this your expectation.

• What are you saying to yourself now?
• What does it feel like?
• How does that change how you show up?

 

Choosing Expectations, Not Forcing Positivity

Changing your expectations will change the results you get.

This isn’t about forcing positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about noticing expectations and choosing them deliberately.

You don’t have to believe every thought you have. Some are just old habits surfacing.

Consider which will serve you better in terms of the results you want to get because you can’t think about what you don’t want to think about without thinking about it. Think about it!

 

A Different Question for the Year Ahead

As this year begins, instead of asking:

What do I want to stop happening?

Try asking:

What am I choosing to expect?

When you focus on what you do expect in this way I guarantee you will get more of what you want and less of what you don’t want.

So what do you expect to get in 2026?

Until next time

Cath

x

P.S. If you are really serious about changing your results and want help to kick start your success in 2026 then click here to contact me about the Reset, Realign,Renew Personal Coaching Days I am running in Jan.