What If Active Listening Isn’t What You Think It Is?

In coaching conversations, we often hear the phrase active listening.

It’s described as a core coaching skill, sometimes even as a defining feature of good practice.

And yet, in the ICF Core Competencies the wording is different.

Core Competency 6 doesn’t say “demonstrates active listening”; it says the coach listens actively.

That shift from noun to verb might look minor but it isn’t.

Active Listening Isn’t the Same as “Listens Actively”

When Listening Becomes a Technique

“Active listening” tends to be taught as a concept, a method or a set of observable behaviours.

Reflect back what you heard, then summarise mirroring the client’s language.

All of that is helpful for new coaches because it stops you from drifting into advice-giving or interrogation mode.

But it can quietly become performative as the coach is listening and simultaneously evaluating.

Have I paraphrased enough? Should I summarise now? Am I demonstrating empathy clearly enough?

The coach’s attention is divided, with part of it on the client and part of it monitoring their own performance.

And clients notice this even if they can’t articulate it.

Listening as an Active State

Now contrast that with “listens actively.”

This isn’t a technique. It’s a quality of attention.

When a coach listens actively, their awareness is fully engaged.

They are tracking meaning, not just words and they notice shifts in tone, pace, hesitation.
They sense when something lands and when something doesn’t.
Their responses arise from what the client has just said rather than from a pre-planned framework.
There is no rush to identify the insights, or to demonstrate your understanding and no need to prove your competence.
There’s just a steady, responsive presence.

Ironically, when a coach truly listens actively, many of the classic “active listening” behaviours naturally appear.

Language is reflected accurately, summaries emerge when useful and clarifying questions are precise.

They grow out of the conversation itself, not from a conscious attempt to demonstrate the coaching skill.

Why This Matters for Coaches

This distinction is particularly important for coaches working towards credentialing.

When I am assessing I’m not counting paraphrases.

I’m listening for evidence that the coach has:

genuinely followed the client’s meaning
that the questions connect directly to what the client has expressed
that the coach does not make assumptions
that the client’s thinking remains central to the conversation

You can demonstrate textbook active listening and still steer the conversation.

You can paraphrase beautifully and subtly shift ownership back to yourself as coach.

But you cannot truly listen actively while controlling the direction because the interpretation and understanding stays with the client.

From Skill to Embodiment

Active listening is something you can learn.

Listening actively is something that develops as your attention becomes more grounded and less caught up in managing yourself.

It’s less about what you do and more about how centred your attention is in that moment.

When you’re not busy managing how you sound, you have more capacity to notice what’s actually unfolding.

And that’s where coaching deepens – not because you applied the right technique, but because you were truly present.

As you reflect on your own practice, here’s a useful question for you:

When you’re listening in a session, is your attention shared between the client and yourself or wholly focused on the client?

Until next time,

Cath

P.S. Listening actively isn’t about adding another technique. It’s about refining your awareness. If you’d value a thinking partner who will help you examine your coaching at this level, let’s talk about whether mentoring would support you.

Click here to book a chat.