When Presence is Missing: What Happens in a Coaching Session?
Have you ever had a moment in a coaching session where you feel that something should land with your client but it doesn’t?
During a recent coaching reflection session one of my mentees shared an experience with me……
She was coaching a senior leader and mid-session she felt her mind wandering. She started planning her next brilliant question instead of actively listening.
The client paused and was visibly searching for words but instead of holding that thinking space the coach jumped in with her next question. The moment passed and who knows? maybe a new deep insight was missed.
At the end of the session the client admitted to the coach that “I just didn’t feel like I had space to think.”
When we are not fully present with our clients that’s what can happen.
If we’re honest I think it has happened to every coach at some time.
We can get distracted by other stuff going on in our lives. We have worries or concerns, stuff we “should” be doing. Our thinking can start to drift in a session, thinking about whether or not we took the chicken out of the freezer for dinner, who the next client is, being on time to pick the children up from school….
And we can focus so much on getting it right. Am I asking the “right” sort of questions? am I listening in the “right” way? am I keeping to time?
All of this means that part of our brain is focussed on something else and we are not fully present with our clients with the result that transformational coaching doesn’t happen.
Why Coaching Presence Matters So Much
Coaching presence is fundamental to great coaching.
In the ICF Core Competencies, presence features prominently:
- Competency 2 – Embodies a Coaching Mindset: This is about being grounded, open, curious, and flexible. If you’re not fully here, you’re not embodying the mindset your client needs.
- Competency 5 – Maintains Presence: This goes even deeper. It’s about being comfortable with not knowing. Being fully conscious and creating a spontaneous relationship with your client from moment to moment to moment.
Coaching Presence is what allows us to hear what isn’t being said; to notice energetic shifts; to respond to the whole person in the moment.
The Real Cost of Distracted Coaching
Clients sense when you are not fully present with them. They may not mention it directly but they’ll feel it and that erodes trust and openness.
They may behave as “good” clients, saying what they think you want to hear. They may play it safe and avoid going deeper. Consequently, even if the questions sound powerful,the coaching stays surface-level and there is no transformation.
Coaching Presence invites your client to be courageous, to be honest and to explore more deeply.
What Does Strong Coaching Presence Look Like?
It looks like the coach who:
- remains still and grounded when the client gets emotional.
- pauses and reflects back when something shifts in the client’s tonality.
- trusts the silence instead of jumping in
- brings calm clarity to the session even when there’s uncertainty.
The Good News ? You Can Develop It.
Coaching Presence isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something you practice and it develops through reflection, self-awareness and feedback.
It’s why I created the Mastering the Art of Coaching Presence: A Self-Assessment Toolkit.
This is designed to help you take a look at how you’re showing up right now in your coaching, across three different levels and offers practical ways to deepen and strengthen your presence.
Because when you show up fully, your clients will too.
Until next time,
Cath
P.S. If you’re ready to develop your presence and elevate the impact of your coaching, then the toolkit is for you.
You can find out more here.