It’s that time of year when social media is full of articles, videos and blog posts about setting your goals and how different things will be in 2022.
With the challenges of COVID and lockdown still with us, our expectations will probably be very different from usual moving into a new year.
As we review 2021 it is important to realize where and what went wrong, what we did have control over and what we could have done differently, so that we can learn from our mistakes.
And if we are to move forward positively it’s also important to let go of what we didn’t have control over, to let go of the anger and the frustration, to stop dwelling on the mistakes, the failures and the negative aspects of what has happened.
I don’t mean forget them, but to let go of the emotional attachment to them otherwise it does affect our ongoing mental health.
Whatever the situation, however negative it may seem, there is always an opportunity for learning- about others, about ourselves, about how we respond to adversity, about what really matters to us and I know that for many of my clients their priorities have changed over the last 12 months.
The process of what you choose to focus on, and what you don’t focus on, determines what you experience in your life and what you don’t experience.
When you think about what it is that you want to achieve how do you phrase it?
Do you describe what you want or do you describe what you don’t want? Because it has a considerable affect on what actually happens.
Now you may have heard this before….. don’t think of a blue hippopotamus in a pink tutu.
What happens? You think of a blue hippopotamus in a pink tutu!
Now some people will say, “no I didn’t “ but the thing is, at best it is a two part process. Your unconscious brain cannot process negatives directly.
What happens is that at some level you have to process the words and consider a blue hippopotamus in a pink tutu before you can not think of it.
So what? Well if you are thinking about not getting annoyed with someone what are you actually focussing on? That’s right, getting annoyed!
And that’s exactly what happens.
When you are saying to yourself “ I hope I don’t get angry ” you’re unconscious is focusing ongetting angry and that’s what you will do!
We get what we expect not what we want.
So if you expect to have an argument with a colleague or family member that’s what you will get.
Consciously you might want something different but unconsciously your body language and your tonality will convey what you expect.
We convey and receive a great deal of information unconsciously which means that we actually get more of what we don’t want by thinking about it.
The Key to Getting Less of What You Don’t Want
The key to getting less of what you don’t want is to change the way you think.
Here is a short exercise that will show you how it works ….
A) Think of a recent situation where you got what you didn’t want.
- What were you honestly expecting to happen?
- How did you know that was going to happen?
- What were you saying to yourself just prior to the situation?
- What did you feel?
B) Consider the same recent situation again.
- What positive learning can you take from it?
- How can you use this learning in the future?
c) Think about a similar possible situation that may arise in the future.
Focus on what you want to happen, be specific and make this your expectation.
- What are you saying to yourself when you know you will get what you expect?
- What does it feel like?
- How does it affect the outcome?
Changing your expectations will change the results you get.
You can choose to have positive or negative expectations. You don’t have to believe everything you think!
Consider which will serve you better in terms of the results you want to get because you can’t think about what you don’t want to think about without thinking about it. Think about it!
And when you focus on what you do want in this way I guarantee you will get more of what you want and less of what you don’t want.
So what do you expect to get in 2022?
If you want help to kick start your success in 2022 then contact me to find out how a Creating Momentum Personal Coaching Session can change your results and significantly increase your level of success.
Until next time,